Friday night was so embarassing. I took puppy to the Jubilee Shades of Blackness performance and he insisted on wearing his “Yellow Labs Rule” trucker cap and an Exeter shirt! After we sat down to watch the dance troupes, he peed on the ground. Throughout the performance he was barking and peeing, all the while in his stupid outfit. AWKward!

I’ve taken him to sensitivity trainings but he refuses to acknowledge his white privilege. He keeps saying, “My ancestors were in the pound, they had to work hard to get where they are.” Then he barks, pees on the ground, and throws a burning cross at me.

I’ve tried giving him treats when he hints at supporting affirmative action, reading him Richard Wright and forcing him to listen to hip hop, but nothing works. He even hates “Where is the Love” by The Black Eyed Peas. What the hell! That song is Condoleeza Rice on painkillers. I’ll bet when Limbaugh is alone in his bedroom he dances in his underwear to that song.

The problem is, puppy can’t recognize oppression other than his own. When we argue he says, “As a dog in this society, I feel subjugated by human beings.” I try to tell him “Puppy, the oppression of people of color doesn’t negate your own experiences. You can oppose all oppression.”

Then he pees on the ground, attacks the mailman and goes back to watching Tucker Carlson.

I have to get rid of this damn dog. I’m applying to live in the Womanist House next year, and I really don’t know what else to do. If anyone wants a cute puppy to hate on immigrants with, please let me know.