Hallmark Announces New Multi-Denominational Valentines

In a effort to “spread peace and tolerance across the globe, while cashing in on the buying power of under-Valentinized religions such as State Shinto,” Hallmark, Inc. announced Monday that they would release a new series of Valentine’s Day cards featuring popular religious figures.

There has been little complaint about a card depicting the Buddha with no possessions and the quotation, “I don’t need anything but meditation and you.” Other cards, however, have sparked more serious concerns.

One card features the prophet Mohammed and the Christian savior Jesus holding hands. The inside of the card says, “Super-psyched to be your monotheistic Valentine.”

Muslims, who view the depiction of the prophet as blasphemous, have reacted with anger across the globe. Christian leaders, meanwhile, were concerned that that card might imply that the two religious figures were “more than just friends.”