Last night, I had a conversation with my good friend Jesus. I asked him if hell froze over. He told me that hell is as hot as ever and the apocalypse is not yet upon us, at least not until after the election results come in. He also told me Johnny Damon should shave because he’s confusing a lot of people from the simple-minded Red Sox Nation. I always thought he looked more like a caveman than our Lord and Savior though. After I got through talking with Jesus, I realized that life on earth would continue as usual, but I continued to search for a non-religious explanation of how the Boston Red Sox came back from a three games to none deficit to beat the New York Yankees in the ALCS en route to a world championship. I think I found some answers.

First of all, the Yankees starting pitching this year could be described as unstable at best. Since the All-Star break, Mike Mussina and Jon Lieber have pitched well, but Esteban Loaiza, Kevin Brown and Javier Vazquez all looked worse than last year’s version of Jeff Weaver. Orlando Hernandez was the Yankees’ ace down the stretch, coming back from an injury and pitching better than ever, but a tired arm rendered him relatively ineffective throughout the playoffs. Because of the mediocre starting pitching, the bullpen (especially Paul Quantrill, Tom Gordon and Mariano Rivera) was overused and perhaps not as strong by the time October came around. The single most important aspect for a team to win the World Series, starting pitching, was recognized as a weakness for the Bronx Bombers all year. This ultimately proved to be their downfall as well as the undoing of the similarly built St. Louis Cardinals.

Secondly, the Yankees could not seal the deal by coming up with clutch hitting in the final four games of the ALCS, and the Cardinals barely got any hits in the World Series. The Yankees offense was undoubtedly one of the best of all time, but everyone seemed to go into hitting slumps at the same inopportune time. The 19 runs they scored on Red Sox pitching in game three proved to be the last hurrah for the expensive bats. It makes me wonder if the trade of Alfonso Soriano for Alex Rodriguez is what broke the curse, putting the team’s salary at a ridiculous level and unloading a stellar product of the Yankee farm system. Or perhaps the curse was broken when the Red Sox dealt their beloved Nomar Garciaparra to the Cubs.

Thirdly, the Red Sox proved that they are the best team in the majors and that good pitching ultimately wins important ballgames. The Yankees blew their lead in the ALCS, and the Red Sox absolutely demolished the Cardinals with incredible performances from their starting pitchers. Curt Schilling’s performances were truly heroic, Derek Lowe had a great postseason and Pedro Martinez pitched pretty well too. As a Yankees fan, I congratulate the Boston Red Sox and their fans, but I must warn Boston fans that this year was the year that the Red Sox empire struck back. The Return of the Jedi is inevitable. The Yankees will sign quality starting pitchers, and the Red Sox will deteriorate by losing several key players. Besides, David Ortiz is the second Mo Vaughn, which means that this year was the pinnacle of his career. There’s a good chance the Sox will have to wait another 86 years to win a World Series.

So, to all the Yankees fans out there, I share your pain. But the Red Sox winning was not all that bad. We now know what it means to be diehard Yankees fans, and the greatest rivalry in sports just got even better, because now it’s not as one-sided as it’s been since the Woodrow Wilson presidency. Back in 1918, Dick Cheney was only up to three heart attacks, Babe Ruth played for Boston and dinosaurs roamed the earth. But we can no longer taunt Red Sox fans with this date. It really doesn’t bother me though. I thought of a better number to use: the number of championships each team has won. 26-6! Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox, and go New York Yankees!

Note: I have to point out what was probably one of the top Argus blunders of the year. In my last column, there was a line that read, “Since their first World Series victory in 1923, the Yankees have compiled 26 world triumphs over evil? Or both?” This line makes absolutely no sense, and in fact, it sounds like a quote that Bush would make. It was supposed to read, “Since their first World Series victory in 1923, the Yankees have compiled 26 world championships. Is it because of the ‘Curse of the Bambino,’ or is it further proof that good triumphs over evil? …Or both?” It’s an irrelevant point now, but I wanted to explain that an important part of the sentence was mysteriously deleted (perhaps by a Red Sox fan). But mistakes happen, and although Yankees fans do come closer to perfection than most, no one is perfect… well, except for Jesus, and I’m pretty sure he’s a Yankees fan.