Why do I even call this thing Film Series Confidential? Each installment uncovers little to no information that anyone would consider “confidential.” In no way does the printing of my thoughts and ramblings on movies “declassify” them. And, no, this is not a reference to “L.A. Confidential.” It’s a fine movie, but am I crazy about it? Not particularly. Well, my mother-pheasant pluckers, the reference is to a landmark film of the teensploitation cycle of the 1950s, “High School Confidential!” Damn, I wish that there were space in the film series for this movie. It stars Russ Tamblyn of “West Side Story,” and “Twin Peaks” fame, alongside John Drew Barrymore (son of John, father of Drew), and the “third-string” blonde bombshell; not Monroe, nor Mansfield, but Mamie Van Doren. And, oh yeah, it has a theme song by Jerry Lee Lewis. So if you dig exploiting the teenage culture of the 1950s or at least viewing said exploitation, then check it out.

And why am I telling you to go see a movie that is not on the Film Series? Aside from explaining where I got the name for this column, I wish to demonstrate the point that we cannot show everything we want to in the Film Series. In years past, we had Thursday night films for half of each semester. Now, Thursdays have been retired. In years past, we’ve had easier access to more obscure films. Now, prints of films outside the mainstream are becoming increasingly difficult to find and expensive to rent. What does this mean for you? It means that we, the Film Board, are working hard to bring interesting programming to Wesleyan, but it’s a something of a tightrope-walking act, if you speak in metaphor. It is difficult to please everyone. In fact, it is impossible to do so on a campus filled with so many smart people with strong opinions and convictions.

So if the Film Series’ weekly pickings are too mainstream for you (and we admit it, sometimes they are: remember when we showed “Black Hawk Down” and 8 people came?) go rent some movies from one of the best resources in Middletown, Russell Library down on Broad Street. Many students have no idea that its video and DVD collection is fantastic (especially the Foreign section, which is subdivided by country) and free to rent for Wes students. So no need to go spend money at Blockbuster when you can find something great at Russell or even over at the Science Library. Find something that would be on YOUR Film Series. Something like “High School Confidential,” perhaps. Well, I guess that would be MY Film Series, wouldn’t it?

Now, if the Film Series’ weekly pickings are too obscure for you, then go enjoy the shitty projection and sound at Destinta, suckas. And go see “Resident Evil: Apocalypse,” or some shit. And get extra butter on your popcorn and eat all of it and then puke it up. Yes. Do that. Or don’t. Lemme try that again, in a more diplomatic fashion. If the Film Series’ weekly pickings are too obscure for you, then try giving them a shot. Who knows? You may very well like what you see. And if you gave them a shot and still found them too obscure, then you are probably the giant neckless dude who bumped into me at a party last weekend and gave me the evil eye. I didn’t bump into YOU, dude, you’re the one who almost knocked ME over. And I didn’t give YOU the evil eye, because I’m incapable of being mean with just my eyes. The same thing happened in the campus center on Wednesday, too. Neckless dudes.

Anyway, we’ve got something to appease all this weekend, whether you have a neck or not. This weekend in the CFA Cinema, we’re featuring Lars von Trier’s “Dogville,” starring Nicole Kidman. People (myself included) like von Trier: he directed “Dancer in The Dark,” “Braking The Waves,” and “The Idiots,” as well as a brilliant new documentary called “The Five Obstructions” which comes out on DVD on Tuesday. People like Lars Von Trier, but “Dogville” came and went from theaters with little fanfare. I saw it and enjoyed it wholeheartedly, but nobody really talked about it. For the record, I think it’s an amazing piece of work, with a fearless performance by Kidman at the top of her game (and this is coming from someone who has never gone ape over her), and the coolest supporting cast of all time, including (in alphabetical order) Lauren Bacall, Paul Bettany, James Caan, Patricia Clarkson, Jeremy Davies, Ben Gazzara, Philip Baker Hall, John Hurt, Zeljko Ivanek, Udo Kier, Chloe Sevigny and Stellan Skarsgqard. So “Dogville” is the first in von Trier’s proposed trilogy on America, a country he has never visited. And maybe you’ve heard about the cutting edge design of the sets? There are NO sets, just outlines on the ground and occasionally a window or some bricks. In THIS town, everyone knows everyone’s business. It is an abnormally strange stylistic device, one that you never truly forget about while watching the film. But it is an extremely interesting device, one which makes us take on a heightened awareness of our role as audience. “Dogville” is a different type of film, just as “Dancer In The Dark” was before it. Also, like many of von Trier’s films, it is brilliant and riveting. HIGHLY RECCOMENDED! THIS IS ONE THAT YOU SHOULD SEE ON THE BIG SCREEN! “Dogville” plays at 7:30 and 10 PM (although it’ll probably be more like 11 PM, considering the lengthy running time of the film) in the CFA Cinema on Friday and Saturday, $4.

Simultaneously and For Free in the Science Center:

FRIDAY: If “Dogville” isn’t your idea of a great way to start the weekend, then you should go see Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day.” And maybe you’ll have to relive your weekend again and again until you get it right and see both “Dogville” and “Groundhog Day.” And go to the Sex Party.

SATURDAY: Silent screen legend Rudolph Valentino in “The Eagle.”

And next Wednesday in the Cinema at 8 PM: “The Man Without A Past” by the deadpan Finnish master Aki Kaurismaki. This movie is so funny and so heartbreaking and so sad and so heartwarming. I like it so much that I would like to hug it. Lana Wilson likes it so much that she would like to eat it. Dan Janvey likes it so much that he would like to make tender love to it. Oh wait- he has already done so. Someone alert Public Safety! We have a nymphomaniac-cinephile on our hands! But you know what? He couldn’t have picked a better movie with which to engage in sexual congress. Cheers, Robert.