Following campus-wide protest and hunger, dining services decided to re-open the Davenport Campus Center for weekends.

Dining officials had previously resisted the change, insisting that the new University Center, scheduled to open in 2007, would cover the existing demand for weekend dining options.

“We tried to tell the students that, in three years, all their concerns would be addressed,” said Dining Services Director Tim Reiss. “They were so impatient, though, that we finally decided to make the change.”

Upon hearing the news, the crowd at Summerfields on Saturday fled the dining hall en masse, causing one mild injury and the obliteration of next week’s Fire One dining option, which would have been chicken for the tenth fucking time.

“I haven’t eaten a full meal on the weekends since last semester,” said Anna Jones ’04, a vegan whose body had developed a resistance to gardenburgers, the only vegan item on the Summerfields menu. “I even broke down and ate a cheese quesadilla that one time, but I swear I thought it was tofu, and I totally went to Veg Out afterward.”

Students at the campus center Sunday expressed joy but also shock at the administration’s change of heart.

“I mean, it makes perfect sense,” said David Bromberg ’05, who lost an arm in an explosion while attempting to kasher his microwave to make a Weshop burrito. “That doesn’t mean I actually expected the administration to do it, though.”

“I guess now all the students are happy,” said Sara Stanley ’06. “Now they’ll probably be paving Foss Hill or something.”