Before we continue on with the guide to a great Super Bowl party, I feel it is my duty as an informed sports journalist to offer my prediction for the game to those who might have other non-sporting “interest” in the game. At last check, the Panthers were seven point underdogs and the over/under was at 37.5. Two years ago, when the Patriots beat the Rams, indoors and on turf, the final score was 20-17. Remember that game? The high-flying Rams, supposedly the best offense ever assembled on a football field, were completely shut down. The under looks pretty good right about now. As for the outcome of the game, I think everyone knows that it is going to be a close game. The Panthers style of football ensures that they can’t get blown out of any game. They run the ball, take a lot of time off the clock, and don’t mind getting a few first downs and then punting, pinning the other team deep in its territory. They know their defense is good enough to stop anyone. This entire post season I’ve been rooting for the team out of the NFC with the best chance to beat the Patriots. Also, I’ve vehemently rooted against the Patriots in every one of their games, to no avail. So, I’m pulling the famous 180-degree “rooting for them in hopes that my bad luck will curse them to failure” move. Let’s go Pats, bring another Super Bowl to New England so those despondent Red Sox fans can forget about Game 7. Super Bowl Score: Patriots 13-Panthers 10.

Now back to what’s really important: your party.

Side Games

If you aren’t able to stay completely focused on what is going on in the game for the entire four hours or so it’s on, don’t feel bad. There are many other ways to amuse yourself during the game. You can create little games with your friends like seeing how many times the announcers say something that it so painfully obvious it brings a tear to your eye. Cards are also very helpful in the pursuit of an ongoing good time. The key here is to be creative. By using your imagination, the fact that both teams have done nothing but punt the ball the entire game will seem less appalling.

Company

Probably the most important factor in having a good party is who is on your invitation list. It’s not possible to have a good time if you are hanging with people you can’t stand. Seeing as how this is the most festive of occasions, feel free to invite as many people as you can cram in front of your TV, or if you are really industrious, multiple TVs. No matter who you invite, there are certain people that must be in attendance. First, any person you consider a friend, or did consider a friend until he hooked up with your little sister, should be invited. Second, you need hardcore fans from both teams. Patriots fans are a dime a dozen here at Wes, unfortunately, you might need to look a little harder for a true Panthers fan. Ask someone who you might suspect to be a Panthers fan this question just to find out where their allegiances lie: would you rather go back in time and see the birth of Jesus Christ or see the Panthers win the Super Bowl? If you get the latter response, tell him/her to come on over to your place. The inclusion of both fan bases will always lead to a good time, whether it be through adult gamesmanship, childish name calling, or a brutal fight to the death.

One thing that is commonly overlooked at a Super Bowl party is the inclusion of women. Some might say that they can take away from the experience, that they might sully the good name of football by asking stupid questions at inopportune times. To this I would reply: is it not our job as football fans to instruct those less knowledgeable than ourselves, regardless of sex? Is it too much to ask that men and women come together on this day and set aside their differences, their petty squabbles, and just sit down and enjoy enormous men beat the hell out of one another? I think not. If a lady has a question, you answer it. If she makes mention of how a woman sideline reporter looks, you deal with it. And if at any time she asks what else is on, you kindly assure her that there is in fact nothing else on and if she ever talks again while the ref is explaining an important reversal on the field, she will be asked to leave.

Who else should be welcomed into your home? You’ve already got friends, fans, and women, so what you need now is a few important characters to complete the equation. Don’t forget to invite the low self-esteem guy. He will be so happy to be there that he won’t mind getting you a refill of your drink or running to Weshop and picking up more chips. Also, you’re going to want these two guys there: the guy who gets belligerently drunk and the guy who has just put his life savings on the Panthers covering the spread. Sometimes, if you are really lucky, both of those guys can morph into one person and by the third quarter, when the Patriots are winning 24-3, you see this guy in the corner with his an empty flask by his feet and his head in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably. At this point, he isn’t bringing much to the party, but just wait; he’ll pass out and then you can draw on him with a permanent marker. Finally, you need a token family member who is incredibly out of place. Whether it be a younger sibling or an adult, seeing peoples faces when they notice him or her will make it worthwhile.

There you have it: a foolproof guide to having a great Super Bowl party. By following these guidelines, you are guaranteed to enjoy yourself come the first of February, whether it is because of a great Super Bowl or an outstanding party, or hopefully both.