In a trip that had nothing to do with curling and had everything to do with what one member of the team said was “getting fucked up and making some bad decisions,” the Wesleyan men’s and women’s tennis teams headed to Daytona Beach, Florida for a trip that zero members of the team remember very clearly. Daytona Beach was an ideal spot for the teams training because of its gross and tacky appearance. Team spokesperson Vijay “you’ll never be as brown as me” Chaudhuri said: “Daytona beach is a shithole of epic proportions. The only image I can compare it to is how gross it would be if coach Joe Schmo made his players eat his cut off ponytail.”
Daytona Beach also served as a prime place for the team to pretentiously speak down to those of lesser education and socioeconomic status. Apparently one member of the team scored with “soooooooooooooooo many chicks” after telling them they may never get the chance to sleep with a disease-free college graduate again. This same member is coincidentally very sick after using his spare change from a late night food run to pay for a “zj” at 3:30 in the morning behind IHOP.
Such debauchery was not reserved for the late hours of the night. One afternoon, Team Manager Ima Dumbass was arrested and put in the back of a squad car after exposing himself to an officer in public. Dumbass was let off with a $200 citation after giving the cop a handjob.
The female members of the curling team went just as big as the males. One star member of the team who apparently has a thing for men in uniform hooked up with the entire Daytona beach life guarding force all at the same time. During the hook up, it was hard to understand what she was saying but she seemed satisfied. All in all, most of the other members of the curling team expressed great satisfaction with their trip as well. Summing up the trip, one of the captains explained, “we drank copious amounts of rivka vodka, those who weren’t too black out were let into the clubs, and we even threw some chairs off our balcony. All in all, it was a hell of a week and had all the makings of a slow Tuesday for Courtney Love. And hey at least we didn’t get kicked out of our hotel.”
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