Hey Argus readers! It’s Jess and Brighten, your Horoscope Hotties, coming to you every other week with a new series in which we give you the low-down on upcoming astrological events, celestial plots, and cosmic schemes. We love consulting with our varied spiritual guides and diviners, and we hope you enjoy what we’ve learned from these interactions. Complaints, inaccuracies, or scornful replies can be lodged against us via seance (half-moons only, 11:45 to 11:48 p.m.). Compliments can be directed to our university emails at email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org ;)
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Even though your lucky season is almost over, don’t fret, Virgo! After celebrating your birthday, take some time to reflect. A new moon enters your sign on Sept. 20, a symbol of starting over. These next two weeks are also a perfect window to spark something with your crush. Love-obsessed Venus is passing through your sign this week, which means romance is in the air!
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
It’s your season, Libra! The sun enters your sign on the day of the equinox, signifying balance and change. Expect positive vibes to be heading your way these next two weeks. Not only that, Mercury, ruler of coordination and communication, will make an appearance in your sign on the 29th. If you’re planning a big birthday bash, the stars are in your favor!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Next week’s new moon may rekindle an old flame, Scorpio. You’ll also be surprised by how large your social circle has grown and all of the excitable energy that surrounds you. Revel in Mars’ feisty excitement, but remember to also keep your wits about you. Everyone likes playing with fire, but too much heat might lead to a nasty burn.…
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Watch out for the 27th, Sagittarius! Jupiter, your ruling planet, will clash with the very unruly Uranus. Prepare yourself for big changes, especially in your inner circle. While these two planets may seem like total opposites, they are both forward-looking and truth-revealing. This might be a day to find out who your real friends are….
Capricorn (December 23 – January 19)
The new moon on Sept. 19 could make you feel a little claustrophobic, Capricorn. Does fall semester already feel weary? Don’t let it get you down. Step outside and spend some time alone with your thoughts. Leave screens at home and reconnect with what’s really important to you. On Sept. 28, the moon conjoins Pluto, reinvigorating your sign and opening a window for a big leap forward….
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
This is a pretty uneventful time for you, Aquarius. While no news may be good news, don’t let this opportunity slide! The new moon on Sept. 20 brings the perfect opportunity to try something new, and with no planets working against you, there’s no need to be cautious! This is also a good time to listen to your intuition. Without the guidance of the stars, you’re going to have to navigate the end of this month using your good judgment.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
These next few weeks will be a confusing time. Mars and Venus will oppose your ruling planet Neptune (on the 24th and 29th, respectively), so expect miscommunications and misunderstandings. To add to the whirlwind, Jupiter and Uranus clash on the 27th, bringing surprising news as Sept. comes to a close. Make sure to make time for yourself—you’ll need time to recharge after this wild ride of a month!
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
The new moon coming up on Sept. 19 wants you to be more active and competitive, Aries. You’ve got a natural talent for athletics, and it’s time to show off your skills. Push your limits and impress your peers, but remember to also remain humble. Listen to your body to save you from careless injury. Mars opposes Neptune on Sept. 24, which promises to stir an emotional frenzy.
Taurus (April 20 – May 21)
Savor these last rays of summer, Taurus. The sun is lingering in your fun-loving and flirty fifth house until Sept. 22, and blood-pumping Mars is also in your house until Oct. 25. Now is the time to make new social (maybe romantic?) connections. That kid in your Tuesday/Thursday class has been looking pretty cute lately.…
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Your ruling planet Mercury is on the move this month, lighting up all sectors of your chart! First, Mercury will oppose the shady planet, Pluto, meaning big secrets will be revealed. Normally, this would be no big deal, since you’re no stranger to gossip, but the Mercury/Saturn clash on the 25th will bring bad vibes to your inner circle. Watch out for miscommunications, Gemini. Don’t let a stray rumor get the best of you!
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Even though this month may be hectic, take some time to settle down. With the moon as your guiding force, you may still be reeling from the solar eclipse. But don’t let that major energy block get in your way! The new moon on Sept. 20 occurs in Virgo, signifying a fresh start, especially in creative and romantic pursuits. Use this as an opportunity to reprioritize your needs and refocus. Things are just beginning!
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
The looming fog from last weekend may have gotten you down, Leo, but don’t despair! Last month’s total solar eclipse brought a burst of energy to your sign that is expected to thrive in its full expression later this week. Between now and the Jan. 31 total lunar eclipse, you’re on your own path of “totality.” In order to stay grounded during this potentially chaotic period, make a list of your goals to keep you on track!
Brighten Kaufman and Jessica Mason can be reached at email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org.