While I was saddened to hear about the drug overdose event taking place last week at my alma mater, I cannot say that I am entirely surprised. And while I don’t have any clear evidence to support my argument, I’m certain that all past and present progressive-minded Wesleyan students know in their hearts that the blame for this event should be laid squarely at the feet of former President George W. Bush.

Bush’s single-minded focus on waging war whenever and wherever possible detracted from the government’s efforts to properly indoctrinate, rather educate, our youth as to the dangers associated with the use of unregulated mind-altering substances. Had we only the foresight back in 2000 to elect President our peace-devoted Nobel laureate Barrack Obama, we could have easily avoided the war mongering agenda plaguing Bush’s administration and devoted the attention of the collective to expand government resources thereby better protecting our citizens from situations like the overdose event that was understandably beyond their control. I’m certain President Obama would have encouraged universities to sponsor expense-paid (by the taxpayers) trips to political regions where controlled substance use was more liberally tolerated and they could have experimented under supervised conditions.

What’s more, our future savior H.R. Clinton would undoubtedly be serving right now as the 44th President, carrying forth the incredible legacy of global peace ushered in by the Obama administration and working with her partners (financiers) on Wall Street to fundamentally change how the free market is currently stacked against the common man.

What is clear from the overdose event is that the “victims” should be entirely absolved of any measure of personal responsibility for what befell them. That feels like the right thing to do from a progressive perspective.

Bond is a member of the Class of 1988.

  • annon

    everything is the fault of little george.

  • SkorpioG

    This is the best piece of satire I’ve ever read. Bravo!