WesCeleb: Max Bevilacqua ’12

Max Bevilacqua ’12 is loud. He has opinions. He has some seriously impressive obliques (all that debating goes a long way). He’ll trample you with his off-road-worthy Volvo and devour your soul. He also sat down with The Argus to discuss Shake Weights, freedom of expression, and his hot new play, “Mark, the Magnificent Bastard.”

The Argus: What do you think is the most defining characteristic of your WesCelebhood?

Max Bevilacqua: Like what makes me a celebrity? The pinnacle of me being a celebrity? I have to say, for such an esteemed publication to pick me as a WesCeleb—ten to twenty people read this incredibly insightful writing.

A: I hear you have become an outspoken opinions writer.

MB: I was on the lacrosse team for two weeks or so. Oh, we haven’t got there yet? Yeah, I’m an opinions writer, whether it’s talking about the way that language affects the way we speak, or more importantly, having odd slices of bread in the Weshop loaves; something I found rather odd. I think it’s my duty, as an Italian, to speak loud.

A: What are your opinions on public nudity at Wes?

MB: Show it to me. You know what I’m saying?

A: Yeah…

MB: Right?

A: It has been said on campus that you, in fact, have the best obliques in the ‘CAC. You played tennis in high school, but you ultimately left athletics to join the debate team—so my question is, tell me about your explorations of athletics at Wesleyan and how you’re able to maintain those sterling obliques.

MB: So I started with the lacrosse team, and I guess I got frustrated with those nerds. I lasted about three, four…days. They knew I had transferred from Georgetown, and I said I had played lacrosse my freshman year of high school. So they put two and two together, or didn’t put two and two together rather, and thought I was good. And it only took a few days for me to be thoroughly embarrassed. Before that, I tried to walk on to the tennis team.  So back to the question; yeah I’m on the debate team…how do I show people my obliques?

A: How do you maintain them?

MB: It’s probably my breathing and speaking techniques. I wear a girdle. All my breathing is really labored. [shows off obliques]. Ah, I disagree with the proposition. [flexes] That proposition is wrong! Definitely my breathing technique. Also, a shakeweight. You do it for like two minutes, and you look exactly like they do in the commercial.

A: You mention you went to Georgetown—what made you transfer to a place like Wes, a considerably more liberal school that embraces freedom of expression?

MB: Oh there’s plenty of freedom of expression at Georgetown; you can wear a green pastel, a yellow pastel, you can use any number of racial epithets when talking to other people.

What happened was we didn’t have Wi-Fi because Jesuits are really behind the times, so my roommates and I dressed up as Amish folk and baked a bunch of rhubarb pies and walked into the President’s office. We wanted to thank him for resisting modernity—“Please save us from those devil ways,” so and so. They were like, “We don’t know what to do with you.” I said, “I’ll go.”

A: What’s been the hardest part about your senior year?

MB: Definitely trying to fit everything in that I want to do, as I’ve only been here two years, into just two semesters. Academically, socially, just fun things—I founded a Creed cover band, a transcendental meditation club...

A: Tell us about meditation…

MB: Transcendental meditation is a form of meditation that got big in the 70’s – the Beatles did it. I’ve been working with local Transcendental Meditation teachers to offer this specific form of meditation to Wesleyan. It has been proven, above all other kinds of meditation to do incredible things for people: helping to manage stress, anxiety, and depression and is even being used to treat PTSD. It increases brain coherence, creativity, etc. Oprah’s doing it now so…you should check it out anyway.

A: You’re also working on a senior essay?

MB: Sure. I’m a religion major and my Senior Essay is about how the myth and ritual of Christianity confers a type of mentality that neglects the world. It is called “Arguing with the Truth,” and it’s about how Christianity is so focused on issues of sex and how homosexuality is more important than the impending doom of our universe because [homosexuality] is the impending doom of the universe, apparently.

I’m also writing a play called “Mark, the Magnificent Bastard,” which covers only 2000 years of history and re-imagines the origins of Christianity.

A: Is that the plot of “Good Will Hunting”?

MB: No, but I do enjoy wearing overalls and pretending to solve math problems on the third floor of Olin. Let’s just say I’ve left my mark on the third floor of Olin [giggles].

A: I understand you’ve made some adjustments to your Volvo in your time here, so it can go off-road. Can you elaborate on your off-roading adventures around campus?

MB: Well, I’d first like to say that a lot of students have been to the connecting roof between Hewitt 9 and 10. I, however, have been on it in my car. You may ask how, but I’m just going to say that if a human can climb stairs, so can Hans the Volvo. There’s that. My favorite thing to do while I’m driving people who are a little out of it is to go over a median or a curb with grass, and just off-road it, to show that’s its safe, you know.

A: Have you ever gotten stuck?

MB: Oops, yeah. I don’t give good pj’s… parking jobs, someone left me a note once that said “Learn how to park, asshole.” The next time I parked four spaces across, but then I got stuck in the snow for days.

Off-roading… I’ve paid for it. There have been repercussions. Someone stomped on my moon roof, probably because they’re like, “Why does he get to have so much fun, why didn’t I think of that first?” I’ve had both my side mirrors knocked off, I’ve gotten flat tires, and the underbelly probably looks like… well… I don’t think this analogy can go in The Argus…like… cottage cheese! I call her Chastity.