THE WESLEYAN ARGUS MUST BE EATEN ALIVE.

The Wesleyan Argus claims the “Zombie Art Collective” staged an attack on Foss Hill. Wrong! The Zombie Art Collective has been eaten alive.

The Wesleyan Argus misidentifies zombies as current Wesleyan students. Wrong! The undead have no names. They devour brains while the victim’s heart still beats.

The Wesleyan Argus used “indiscriminant” where they should have said “indiscriminate.” Wrong! We are eating your loved ones alive.

The Wesleyan Argus placed the word “attack” in quotes. Wrong! By delegitimizing the individualist and empowering connotations of an assault on hegemony, The Wesleyan Argus has blah blah blah. The point is that THE WESLEYAN ARGUS MUST BE EATEN ALIVE.