Members of the community filled the Memorial Chapel yesterday afternoon to commemorate the life of Nora Miller ’12, who passed away last Monday. Nearly two weeks after the tragic events that led to Nora’s death, friends and faculty members came together to share memories of the Nora they knew.

The service began as the lights dimmed and a moving photo tribute to Nora compiled by her friends was projected at the front of the Chapel. After the lights came on, President Michael Roth, whose film course Nora took last spring, approached the lectern.

“I don’t know what to say,” he repeated several times, pausing. “I want to ask you to think about gratitude, gratitude for the time that Nora spent here.”

Recollections of Nora’s own gratitude and generosity filled many of the memories her friends shared. One student reflected on a moment last year, before students left for winter break, when Nora presented her friends with a plate of cookies she had made. He recalled that no two cookies were the same, and mused over how much time Nora always spent making her friends happy.

Rabbi David Leipziger Teva was asked to read a message from Nora’s family thanking the Wesleyan community for the support they had received, especially from Public Safety. Addressing both her friends and those who did not know her, they asked that the community not focus on Nora’s pain, but on her compassion.
“Nora loved her friends,” Teva read on behalf of the Miller family. “Please don’t let her death change the great things about you, she wouldn’t want it any other way. We ask that to honor Nora, you share your genuine smile and kind words to warm the souls of others.”

Another friend shared her experiences going running with Nora, who was a track and field star before coming to Wesleyan. They developed a close bond on these runs, sometimes talking but often running side by side in silence.

“Running can be intensely private, which is an apt description of Nora,” she said.

As they became closer, she admired more and more Nora’s grace and aspirations. She also recalled Nora’s desire to someday open up a bagel shop that would offer “not your average” bagels—she wanted to attract an adventurous clientele—as well as an extensive salad bar. Salad bars were always a passion of hers, the friend said, eliciting a melancholy laugh from the audience.

She wondered: what happens to all the things she told Nora, the secrets she told only to her? Do they disappear? Do they become hers again? Are they still floating somewhere?

Nora’s former Professor Scott Higgins spoke about his experience with Nora in his introductory Film History class last fall and as her advisor last spring. Although the class was large, Nora stood out from the crowd.
“On the day of the final exam last fall, she came up to my desk to hand in her blue book and made eye contact with me. As she added her book to the stack, she sighed a little, as if to apologize for adding to all the papers I would have to grade,” he recalled.

He explained that her papers always seemed to rise to the top of his stack because he wanted to read them first—they were not something for which she needed to apologize.

Another friend recalled the thoughtfulness and understanding Nora had shown her when they were both on the volleyball team at Middletown High School. While she was struggling with an eating disorder and managing the team from the sidelines, Nora had sat down beside her after practice, put an arm around her, and told her she would make it through—to keep fighting.

Later in the service, Rabbi Teva addressed the community again and asked everyone in the chapel to take the hand of their neighbor, to help one another through this difficult time.

Among the many reminiscences friends shared about Nora, one friend chose to focus on what Nora had taught him—that every moment is important and eternal, and if we focus on the past we lose sight of the present.

“A person is far more than the sum of our memories,” he said.

At the request of Nora’s family, donations of non-perishable food items for Middletown’s Amazing Grace Food Pantry will be collected in receptacles at different locations throughout campus next week.