Original Cast
Jessica…….Joss Whedon
Jio………Neil Patrick Harris
Lauren…….Lady Gaga

Jessica: Jio, I have low self-esteem.
Jio: Well, that’s understandable.
Jessica: I think it’s because we haven’t gotten that interview with Carter L. Bays and Craig Thomas yet.
Jio: Mrumph.
Jessica: I just keep looking at this one e-mail we got from their publicist, wondering where we went wrong…maybe if only we’d—FUCK!
Jio: What??
Jessica: There’s a phone number here.
Jio: Are you suggesting that calling this woman to arrange an interview might be more conducive than inventing fake awards and plastering Joss Whedon’s face on things?
Jessica: No…but maybe we should do it anyway.
Jio: Do it then.
Jessica: I can’t, I have a phobia of using the telephone.
Jio: Oh. Hmm.
(He proceeds to dial the number and put the phone on speaker. The phone rings three times.)
Lauren: This is Lauren.
Jio: Hello? This is Jiovani Robles, calling from The Wesleyan Argus. We’ve been in contact through e-mails about getting an interview with Carter Bays and Craig Thomas?
Lauren: Oh right! They were interested in doing that! It should be a lot easier now that filming is done. They’re just working on developing their new pilot.
(Jessica swoons, begins having convulsions on the floor.)
Lauren: It’s just about finding time to do it. I will definitely contact them and get back to you today or tomorrow, okay?
Jio: That would be great, thank you so much!
Lauren: No problem, talk to you later.
(Jio hangs up the phone and gives a click of his heels.)
Jio: Jessica, get off the floor.

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