Dear Journal,
We have to admit, we’ve been coy with you. We never meant to mislead you, it’s just that…well, we wanted to impress you. Make you proud of us. Possibly make you want to have sex with us…But anyway, now it’s time to come clean. We lied to you when we said we had contacted the publicist of How I Met Your Mother, but now we’re ready to tell you the real story. We hear it’s the first step to recovery.
Flash back to a few weeks ago: we freshmen are going about our little freshman lives when Jessica checks her email and find something unexpected waiting in her inbox. Upon opening this mysterious message, she finds it is from a person claiming to be the publicist for Carter Bays and Craig Thomas! Hands shaking, she makes a squeaky phone call to Jiovani, and plans a rendezvous at Usdan ASAP. Five minutes later, breathless because of the swift journey from the Butts, we got to work. After staring in awe over the four-sentenced email, we began to compose the most important email of our lives.
As far as we were able to tell, this was the real deal and not someone messing with us just because we are young, dream filled college babies. Our conversations mostly went thus: “Are we sure these networks are affiliated?… What network is HIMYM on anyway? …WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW?! …GO SUCK A COW’S ASS, JESSICA!!” and “It HAS to be real, no one has an email address at ____.com! It’s just not possible!” After hours of contemplating the correct course of action, we finally agreed that this was not a hoax and that we should answer the email in an appropriate manner, and began trying to figure out how to consolidate our 4000 words of joy into a professional 50. It took us about 20 more minutes to actually hit send after the message was completed. We were rewarded a couple of days later when we received an answer!
At this point in time, we were sure that our careers as journalists and sex gods at Wesleyan would be solidified, but alas…some things do not turn out as planned. We haven’t received an answer to that reply, even though we have been waiting, waiting for so long (Jessica blames Jiovani for this one, because he pressed the SEND button). Day by day we sit and wonder at the banality of our lives, ponder what could have been…. but we refuse to give up! We will continue our work on the Wemmy, and cast our bait once more. We will keep hoping that one day an answer will come even if it means hunting…we mean contacting…this publicist EVERY DAY (That’s right, you heard us…EVERY DAY) until we get an answer. Also we will continue to provide these updates for your entertainment, and for legal documentation. We can’t promise that we won’t lie to you again, but it will be for your own good.