Dear Journal,

After arduous searching, we finally managed to procure the name of the publicist for Carter Bays and Craig Thomas. We spent several hours composing an elegant 50 word e-mail to explain our quest. We pressed send. We’ve been waiting a week for an answer.

In other news, we have been designing plans to build the Wemmy. We have decided to go the route of papier-mache—simple and playful, yet clearly infused with effort. It’s the perfect way to show we’re serious about this interview. Our base will be made of peanut butter jars, four of them, super glued together to form some fascinating contours that will soon be obscured by newspaper clippings and glue. That actually brings us to our first obstacle: who is going to eat all of that peanut butter? We thought at first we could merely collect empty jars from our hall mates, but apparently they are a hot commodity. Doors were slammed in our faces, angry words were hurled…self-esteem was irreparably damaged. Apparently we misjudged the caliber of these newly formed friendships. It’s inevitable: war is among us. Ultimately, we need those jars. In order to collect them we have developed a plan to lure each member out of their rooms with the scent of chocolate cake and vodka. While they indulge in these sinful treats, Jessica will seduce each member and finagle all of their keys, subtly handing them off to Jiovani as he runs down the hall and robs them of their Jif and Skippy jars.

Our final accomplishment for this week was that we managed to hone our interview questions to ten. They’re probing, informative, snappy, and professional. We promise.

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