Well, it’s that time of year again: the time when it’s Valentine’s Day, otherwise known as February. You’ve got a bottle of wine, spaghetti for two, and your favorite Laser Disc copy of “Terms of Endearment.” And you know what that means, a great night of crying alone! But not to fear, my humble eunic, for the Ampersand is here to save you. Hook up with some sexy cheese on page two! Ask a professor on page one! Look at the comically large ampersand in the corner of this editors’ note! Whether you’re into grammar or words, or even both, there’s something for everyone on this page. Strike that…TWO PAGES! Zingaroo!

Just keep in mind, on this Valentine’s Day, on a day when we open up our hearts to those closest to us, when we extend an olive branch of sexual intercourse to anyone within poking distance, that it is always important to remember the neediest. Because they’re horny too.

– Brendan, Brian, & Gelman