Are you crazy in love? Or do you want to be? Maybe you just need some advice or a tummy tuck/liposuction combo. But don’t resort to anything drastic, darlings! Ask Miss Amper will answer your all of your questions just in time for Valentine’s Day!
Hello Miss Amper,
I’m a freshman at Wes, and I’m really hitting it off with a senior. He is THE sweetest guy ever, but my friend told me that upperclassmen are just trying to get in your pants. What’s the deal with dating older guys?
-Don’t wanna be played
Dear Don’t wanna be played,
No worries! Your senior man sounds like a true gentleman. Does he hold open doors for you? Does he talk to you on the phone every night you’re apart? Does he hold your hand? Does he cover your mouth and tell you this will only take a second? That is true love. Maybe he is just trying to get into your pants, but it’s probably because they’ll look better on him. Just don’t develop a drug habit and you’ll be okay! You sound like you’ve found Mr. Right!
Sincerely,
Miss A.
Dear Miss Amper,
My boyfriend and I have recently started to have oral sex. We have not yet had real sex. Is it possible for me to get pregnant?
-Kissin’ in Kentucky
Dear Kissin’,
My first question to you is: is this boyfriend a blood relative? My second question is: do you think you can get pregnant in your mouth? I’m not sure of either, but do let me know!
Best of luck,
Miss A.
Hi Miss Amper,
If you are using a condom and it breaks while you are having sex, what is the best thing to do?
-Being safe
Dear Being safe,
When you can’t be safe, take Plan B. I think that’s the slogan for emergency contraception. But why take that when you can milk this for all it’s worth? With the advent of Babies’ Daddies and stricter child support laws, you can have your cake and eat it, too, with French fries and a steak during nine grueling months of pregnancy. Don’t be a quitter!
Kisses,
Miss A.
Yo Mizz Amper,
I think about sex a lot. Is that normal, or do you think I am a pervert?
-HotBodx69
Dear HotBod,
I don’t think you’re a pervert at all! There are numerous social networking sites that cater to millions of people like you, the 40-something-year-old male demographic posing as a 13-year-old girl.
Don’t worry, you’ll find love! Just make sure it’s not an undercover cop or another Myspace pred.
Love,
Miss A.