Kaczynski kicks off 'Brothers of homicidal murderers lecture series'

Last Friday, David Kaczynski, brother of serial mail-bomber Ted Kaczynski, lectured at Buddhist House. Apparently, Kaczynski, executive director of New Yorkers Against the Death Penalty, was so well-received that the administration has begun a “Brothers of Homicidal Murderers Lecture Series.”

- Homer Simpson, brother of O.J. Mr. Simpson will discuss the various merits of being a nuclear safety technician, minor league baseball mascot, Mr. Plow, bootlegger, food critic, meth dealer, garbage commissioner, town crier, and Ribwich devotee.

- Jim Vader, brother of Darth. Mr. Vader, inventor of the Talkboy, will talk about its uses in various films, ranging from “Home Alone” to “Home Alone 2: Lost in New York,” and everything in between.

- Andy Dick, brother of Moby. Mr. Dick will present his various comedic stylings, as well as how having the last name “Dick” makes you inevitably gay.

- Steve the Ripper, brother of Jack. Mr. the Ripper, who burns mix CDs for a living, will discuss the benefits of owning a Discman.

This article was posted in the print edition as part of the Wesleyan Argus Ampersand. It is satire and should not be construed as fact.