You can't go home again... At least that's what our parents said

By Andrew “Please Don’t T.P. My Broken Home” Bean

So apparently, the humor publications at other schools *cough* Yale *cough* get their own house to have meetings and throw awesome ragers…and we don't. The Ampersand should have a house. But what type of house should we have? Here are the pros and cons of the houses we're considering:

IGLOO

Pros: House “makes a statement,” would probably come with a free Eskimo (or Eskimo Pie).

Cons: Not enough snow, would probably be on the melt-y side most of the year.

TREE HOUSE

Pros: Strategic position for throwing snowballs/water balloons, great for stashing comic books and Capri Sun, no girls allowed.

Cons: Exposure to the elements, lack of handicap access, no girls allowed.

SHACK

Pros: Cheap, low maintenance, small footprint, and the fact that a shack would make the Ampersand significantly more rugged.

Cons: Building itself is probably a fire hazard, lack of ability to fit all writers in a shack.

TENT

Pros: Combines the fun of camping with the ancient craft of humor writing; also Smores!!!

Cons: Really hard to throw a rager in a tent.

BARN

Pros: Huge space for both parties and the proposed Ampersand Militia. Comes with cows.

Cons: A very large space is hard to maintain, must find someway to get rid of the inedible animals.

YURT

Pros: Portability, ease of construction, design of yurt makes it easier to capture and store the white-hot sexual energy of the Ampersand writers to eventually be used for nefarious purposes.

Cons: None.

This article was posted in the print edition as part of the Wesleyan Argus Ampersand. It is satire and should not be construed as fact.