I’m salty. As a senior at Wesleyan I have been flooded by the nostalgia of my misadventures over the years, and thus have been compelled to relive them, only without all the awkwardness. Okay, so maybe still with the awkwardness, but I embrace it. The event that stands out clearly from the rest that truly initiated me into Wesleyan life is without a doubt the Eclectic sex party. I mean, who doesn’t like sex? Granted, I wasn’t getting any, but being able to greet some sexy sweaty something by making out, that’s something I’d never pass up.

So of course I’m gonna be salty if for my senior year sex party experience, not only do I not get any, but as a member of the Eclectic Society I had to deal with two fire alarms and a crowd of naked and half naked sexually frustrated people trying to get their asses back into the party to get some. So yeah, it was an ordeal, but I got over it, mostly because I thought that we would be able to put on another sex party and alleviate all the built up tension from all the foreplay that was that night. It turns out that there was a faulty smoke detector in the house that could not yet be fixed, and though it could have been shut off, we gotta put safety first, even before sex. I know that as a member of Eclectic I was very much dedicated to putting on another sex party, and it seemed that because there was no fault on behalf of the society, that administrative members of the university would be able to help us out. As it turns out, the administration hates sex. It is essentially a lot of politics, and because the situation with which we were presented as a society, we are gonna make sure that the Halloween party is really, really ridiculously awesome. I promise.

Fret not all ye who did not get even a taste of sweet lovin’, cuz Eclectic will be honoring any sex party tickets in exchange for a ticket to the Halloween party. And if you are hesitant about going to the Halloween party, the tickets will be at lower prices- how you like that? So look out for the Halloween party, get your tickets and come do that voodoo that you do so well. I’ll be there with bells on. Just bells.